“Reflections self-concealed…”

Awakened by confusing dreams, memories
Resurrected from past, places and people
Wrong, swirled within my mind, except
Regressed past rising from subconscious,
Revisiting in midnight moments. Unable
To think straight, to sleep, to self-explain,
All that I walked away from, has returned,
Floor-creaking footsteps in the night.

I understand why people drink, specially
Lonely souls, living by themselves, past
Returns, unmerciful in predawn hours.
Intoxicated dreamless sleep preferred,
Alcohol numbs brain, mind, haunting
Recollections, inevitability of facing past
Decades. Night-time cold medicine does
Same, quick gulp, warming sleep returns.

Bathroom light left on, local radio station,
Keep me oriented, place and time, but
Then, I remember, single tear, another,
Cathartic release, persistent guilt, leaving
All I really knew and loved, life conflicted
With then and now, here, there, too many
Years, miles, reflections self-concealed
Of stark and distant homeland.

Written whilst listening to “Someone Lived This” by Hans Zimmer
and Benjamin Wallfisch, soundtrack to “Blade Runner 2049.”
Thanks for reading.

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